Merry X-mas

You know? I love you. I really do. I didn't have the courage to say it before,nor to your face. I am afraid. Because I know you don't love me. How could you? Even I don't love myself. A person created of mistakes can't  be loved. And I miss you. And I wish you were thinking about me and wondering what I'm doing, wondering the same as I do: "Do you love me?". But you are not. Because I am nobody to you. I don't really exist in your world,maybe just from time to time when we meet, in some occasions, when I insist to meet you and stay with you so I can have just a little bit of you, to think at least for a while that there might be a chance for me to be with you. But then we say Goodbye and it is like we have never met. I think I have never felt so invisible before and that changes only when I get the chance to spend some time with you, even though I am spending it a bit different than you. I imagine. Us. Together. Hoping. Looking into your eyes trying to find myself somewhere in there. Maybe a tiny little thought of me. Searching for a sparkle , but of course fire can't exist in the water. The time of making resolutions is coming and all I can think of is how to run away from the reality and hide behind someone else's love story, just so I can forget about you. Of course after the final subtitles the same reality hits me in the face with furious strenght and knocks me down to sleep and dream of you. You and me in a parallel universe where we share our feelings and we are fighting some villains and we save the day. Then I wake up and it's just another dream, just another day. Escape.Sleep.Repeat.