Merry X-mas

You know? I love you. I really do. I didn't have the courage to say it before,nor to your face. I am afraid. Because I know you don't love me. How could you? Even I don't love myself. A person created of mistakes can't  be loved. And I miss you. And I wish you were thinking about me and wondering what I'm doing, wondering the same as I do: "Do you love me?". But you are not. Because I am nobody to you. I don't really exist in your world,maybe just from time to time when we meet, in some occasions, when I insist to meet you and stay with you so I can have just a little bit of you, to think at least for a while that there might be a chance for me to be with you. But then we say Goodbye and it is like we have never met. I think I have never felt so invisible before and that changes only when I get the chance to spend some time with you, even though I am spending it a bit different than you. I imagine. Us. Together. Hoping. Looking into your eyes trying to find myself somewhere in there. Maybe a tiny little thought of me. Searching for a sparkle , but of course fire can't exist in the water. The time of making resolutions is coming and all I can think of is how to run away from the reality and hide behind someone else's love story, just so I can forget about you. Of course after the final subtitles the same reality hits me in the face with furious strenght and knocks me down to sleep and dream of you. You and me in a parallel universe where we share our feelings and we are fighting some villains and we save the day. Then I wake up and it's just another dream, just another day. Escape.Sleep.Repeat.

Mirror,mirror on the wall...

You know..it’s not hard to lose yourself,to become someone you can’t even recognize in the mirror. You start asking yourself :”How did that happen ? Who am I ? ” Questions after questions and yet no answers. Even if you try to make a plan for yourself everything gets ruined…no plans allowed that's how the universe works.So how do we find ourselves,how we get better without any plans? Here another question left unanswered. See it’s easy to get lost in that thing called life. Then it comes someone who changes everything,spins the world around and give you an answer without even asking him. You’re happy,(right ?)or at least you think you are…cuz you’re not aware of the consequences. That someone eventually (99% of the times) leaves,seeking for his own identity,answering his own questions…and then again you’re left with a thousand more questions. Even more lost than before, you can’t even describe yourself when they ask you to do that cuz you simply can’t…cuz you don’t even know who,what and why you are. Does it get better? I don’t know…I hope that question will be answered sooner or later. Living in chaos,being a mess..that’s what I am.

Онова в джоба ми.

Наблюдавах я дълго.
В нея виждах всичко онова
за което великите поети
бяха писали.
Тя беше война и мир,
страх и омраза,
страст и великолепие.
Беше като фойерверка в ръцете на дете,
опасна,но удивителна.
В нея имаше вселена,
в нея имаше магия.
Нарекох я любов
и я прибрах обратно в джоба сил