I don't just live,I burn.

Sore lips,burnt skin,flames in your eyes and fireworks in your heart.. All that after a moment of feeling called passion.Exactly these complex moments define us as who we are,why we are alive. You can really feel alive only when you're burning,only when you feel the marks and scars left by the fire that started few moments ago. You say love makes us feel alive,well I say that's just another illusion.Love makes you feel pain,beacuse you're never staisfided,you want more and when you don't get what you want you start feeling bad or you try changing the conditiins and you end up more dissapointed than ever. I say that Passion makes us feel alive,nothing but passion.This is why I think that for one to be truly happy must always do everything with passion,to turn the mundane into sin...to burn in the flames of life and finally turn into ash of emotions..then like fenix rise from them and start a new one. 

My favourite.

I look at you and I think : nobody will ever love you like I do.I'm going to be the person that loves you the most for your entire life. I don't believe that other people are capable of loving you like me.It will be a terrible mistake to ignote something like that.And I look at you and I think : I'll never open up to anyone like I opened up for you.I'll never let anyone in like this.Please stay.Please don't leave me.

I miss you more than I can ever put in words.

It's painful.I didn't expect that it will be easy,but I never thought that it will make me feel so much pain. Empty and tired.That's what I am. I miss you.I miss us.I miss what we had.I miss the love.I miss myself when I was with you. I miss being happy.I miss the days when I used to come after school and just sleep,cuddle and watch cartoons with you. I thought I hate that kind of life,but know I relize that I actually loved it,it felt like I'm safe,I'm home in your arms,in your bed,in your heart and head.but it's gone now.That ship sailed,right ? Every time you say these words a little piece of me dies.But I guess I deserve that,i fucked up so now I'm the fucked up one...The only thing I really need and desire now is whatching,cartoons,eating homemade pizza,playing games and cuddle in your bed. Is it so much to ask for ? I guess YES, beacuse I don't deserve to be happy again so soon.Not yet.Not now.Maybe in a year or two,or maybe when I'm gone :) V.

I really wish you could give me a chance to be with you again. To see that I've changed.That I'm me again.The same girl you fell so hard in  love with 2 years ago.The same girl you were crying for because you loved her so much. To hear my heart skipping a beat every time I see you,and how it's tearing apart because of the things I have done to you.I never changed,I just have been lost for a while,but I'm back and I love you. I know it's hard to trust me again after all I did to you,I can't trust myself either. I'll never forgive myself for that,never.But I love you so much,so damn much I can't even believe it.I thought it was going to be easier to let you go after all these fights in the past months,but I was wrong.That was the moment I realised that I an't live without you.I just can't,I refuse. You're everything I need. You're the only thing worth fighting for,because you're the most amazing thing i have ever had in my life.I don't know if you ever felt like that with me but there was this feeling...like you're complete,you're happy. I was seeing your smile and I was happy,I was hearing your voice and I was happy. Now it's not like that..I see your smile and it hurts,I hear your voice and ...it hurts again...more and more.And I know it's my fault,I know I did this to us,but I can't just move on when I know how much I freackin love you.It's true.I know you can't believe me after hat happened but it's damn true...maybe that is why I can't forgive myself.Because now I'm more misreable than I have ever been in my life and you know why ? Because I lost you,the only thing that have ever really mattered,don't laugh..people say that the only things that really matter are the ones that make you happy and you were that thing ...and I'm so damn sorry for everything.I wish you could give me a chance to be with you again to show you that everything bad that happened the past months was only a phase,that will past and we'll find the way to be happy and complete again.Because I feel that the thing we had,the love we felt towards each other is not something that we can throw away like that,turn our backs on. I love you and I'm sorry. :(

Nothing really matters.

Nothing really matters,you know. It doesn't matter that I make him smile and laugh everytime we see each other without even saying a word.It doesn't matter that we can talk about things that he'll never be able to talk with HER.It'doesn't matter that he's trying to steal a sneek on me evrytime SHE's not watching. Even the look in his eyes when he watches me doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that he's following me with eyes everytime I move.It doesn't matter that I can make him happy,that I can give him things that SHE'll never be able to give.It just doesn't...and you know why ? Because in the end of the day it's HER who sleeps in his bed,it's her who he cuddles with and shares his nights with.It's not me.It will never be me.No matter what I do.I'll never be good enough for him.

I'm tired/

I’m tired of getting up in the morning pretending that today is going to be a better day. I’m tired of rising up my expectations then ending being disappointed again and again.I’m tired of trying to look on the bright side when it’s obvious that there is no bright side,just darkness,sadness and pain all over again. I’m tired of trying so hard to be possitve,to be happy,to smile when I know that in the end of the day I’ll be alone again,all by myself,lying in my bed,crying,broken-hearted.I’m tired mostly from me in particular and the fact that I did that to myself,I ruined the happines in my life.I’m tired of struggaling to cope with my problems every single day,to pretend I’m doing just fine,I’m okey …cuz I’m not,I can’t be and I won’t be soon. And most of all I’m tired of not knowing how to deal with all of these.No matter how many nights I’ve spent overthinking things are still as bad as they were 3 months ago…nothing has changed,except me, now just I’m tired.